We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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