what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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