She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
