so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
