so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
