Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i dont even know how to be here
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
