"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
