I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
