His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
FUCK WHALES
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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