I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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