You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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