just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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