need another drink. this is the easiest way
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Fuck appropriateness.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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