Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk is not a location!
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
