Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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