Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
foreskin is a definite game changer
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
