I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
