The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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