Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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