Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
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