he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
