what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
