The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
