But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
