I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
