Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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