i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
