.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
