Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
