I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Randomize
