how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
