There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
