The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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