i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
