Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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