yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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