i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
