Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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