what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
