every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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