Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Apparently you make a good broom.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
