i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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