And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
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