I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
