Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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