Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
he puts the penis in happiness.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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