I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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