That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
