i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
