he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
