I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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