im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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