winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
