That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
